The stalker

The car stopped at the signal. She looked for him. He was standing there, wet, in his underpants. She smiled. He smiled. As he moved his hands up and down, his ribs flexed to define the leanness of his body. She opened her lips to let the warmth of her breath be smoked out. As the air passed through, her lips reddened. She almost licked off the water from his body. She let her eyes follow all his moves and then zoomed them out to focus on a particular part of his body. But then she realized she was missing on what's happening at other parts. She immediately zoomed her eyes in, in a frustration of missing on those forms that occurred in those missed moments. She found him looking at her. She felt being undressed. The honks around them didn't matter to her. They appeared far off.

The signal had turned yellow. She tried to look within his towel while he was changing. The lights turned green and the car moved. Her body didn't move. Neither did her face. Only two black balls moved from one corner to another in her eyes.

As the car turned right, she looked at her husband in the driver's seat. He looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and leaned to rest her head on his left hand. He kissed on her head. Some people indulge in a foreplay before making out. She did just the opposite. While she was cuddling in her husband's arms, she was still kissing the man she had left at the last signal. Every evening while returning from work, she would look for him. And he would be found there, mostly, cleaning himself, at an open pipeline, the only source of water for him, after a day's hard work. His nudity was a luxury for her, but a compulsion for him. The craving for a human body is probably the only one, where we dont engage in the discussions of the class. Its class is only defined in its quality, not from where is it produced or which brand is it of. Her want was the purest, devoid of any social subjugations, exactly as he existed. Every evening as she would walk out of her office, the only thing she would pray for would be this one minute at the signal. It had almost become the fuel of her life.

That day was a blessing. Her husband was out of town. She had to drive herself back home. She left office early, reached the signal almost ten minutes before her usual time and parked her car near the broken pineline. The evening supply was on and water was fountaining out. Some kids were playing in there. Two women were washing cloths. An old man was cleaning his cycle. She realized, probably they all were there, every evening. How come she never noticed them? She looked closely at their faces. The kids were playful. Women were chattering. The old man's face was devoid of any human expression. If something it contained, it was only an expression of the time which had passed by. She looked into the direction these people were coming from and going to. After few minutes, he arrived from the midst of the dirt, he would have called home. A torn jeans. Slipper-less, rugged feet. Bare chest. Strong, full arms. Hairs, curled up till the nape of his neck. White clean eyes, cupped in a dusty brown face. She gasped for some breath. “Oh! I so want him!!” she told herself.

The women asked those kids to pack up and move towards the dust this man was coming from. The sun had almost set, leaving behind the redness in the sky as its only trace. She looked at him as she would have done if they were alone in a space where no one else could enter. For the first time she had looked at him so closely. She moved her eyes from his feet to his face. For the first time she had looked into his eyes. Those clean, white ones. But they were not looking at her. She followed his gaze. She turned in the direction they were pointed at. She stopped at her car. She looked back at him and back in the direction he was looking. She again stopped at the car. Something crashed within her. She turned back, walked towards the car and started the engine.

Some wishes are better kept within than being given a form in this world. Inside, they remain authentic. Once exposed out, they get colored with the textures of who we are and how we are socially placed. The car zoomed into oblivion. He watched it till he could, then splashed some water on his face from the broken pipeline.

Image Source: http://www.toniccare.com/RefreshEyes-Anti-Wrinkle-Eye-Serum-p/refresh-eyes.htm

तुझे, कुछ और पाना चाहता हूँ |

तुझे पा लेने की एक अजीब ज़िद है,

जो तुझे पा लेने भर से, ख़त्म नहीं होती |

तेरे साथ होकर भी,

तुझे, कुछ और पाना चाहता हूँ |

हर वक़्त बेताब होता हूँ,

तेरी बाहों में आने को,

पर वहाँ आकर बस,

कुछ, घुट सा रहा होता हूँ |

तेरी साँसों में घुल जाए मेरी सांस,

इतनी करीबी की है ख्वाहिश,

पर तेरे पहलु में खुद को,

अक्सर, बस रोता-बिलखता पाता हूँ |

आ ख़त्म कर दे मुझे,

या राख़ होजा मेरी रूह में;

बस आज भर की रात, चाहे जीतनी लम्बी हो,

फिर, एक नयी सुबह पाना चाहता हूँ |

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Posting in Roman-Hindi (as one of my friends call it :P) as well, for those who understand Hindi but cant read in the original script:

Tujhe paa lene ki ek ajeeb zid hai,

jo tujhe paa lene bhar se,

khatm nahi hoti.

Tere saath ho kar bhi,

tujhe, kuchh aur paana chahta hoon.

Har waqt betaab hota hoon,

teri baaho me aane ko,

par waha aakar bas,

kuchh ghut sa raha hota hoon.

Teri saaso me ghul jaaye meri saans,

itani kareebi ki hai khawaahish,

par tere pehlu me khud ko,

aksar, bas rota bilakhata paata hoon.

Aa khatm kar de mujhe,

ya raakh ho ja meri ruh me,

bas aaj bhar ki raat,

chahe jitani lambi ho,

fir ek nayi subah paana chahta hoon.

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Apologies to my friends who may not understand Hindi. Feeling incapable of translating it with the same or even toned down essence it has been written with :(

P.S.: Thanx Donald! Reading and discussing it with you felt like good ol' times :)

The Silence Behind FDI Hulla

I have been following few reports and commentaries on FDI in retail for sometime now. However, I am left with few questions:

1. A lot of people are saying that this will bring in money to our country. I ask how? Are they coming in here for charity? They are coming here to do business, which means to make profit. They are going to buy our product, sell it to us, using our resources( human and material) and at the end take out the profit to their country. So basically, more than bringing money in, they are taking money out. Are we any reacher? People who get happy when World Bank sanctions a loan are funny people. A loan is not my money. Period. I have to return, and at most times with heavy interests. Same goes for FDI. It take out heavy profit value from my country, for a very low initial investment, and that too at the cost of us.

2. Mr. P. K. Vasudeva (supposedly a former senior professor at ICFAI, Chandigarh) say that since they have professional approach, they should be allowed in (HT editorial on November 30, 2011). Well what is this professional approach all about? The same apporach that failed Lehman Brothers, General Motors, Enron, and the likes? I think the professor must be talking about some other approach. But dude, don't you think it would be better if we could learn that approach, if that's really so cool, and apply it ourselves here? But I am sure we cant learn a thing, not because we Indians are any less at learning, but because those so-called FDI-offerers are sissy enough to make knoweldge public. They know that the only thing they have is a well packaged, and mostly half baked, processes and approach to things. And if kept open, there would be more critism than anything else. Said that, I dont say that our current approach is okay. Of course, we need to amend our systems. But WHY do we need to do it through them? Why can't we do it ourselves?

3. Abhijit Patnaik* (HT, December 02, 2011) very rightly said, “The world can't have a middle class with the same affluence as the US...” He argues that the consumer-led model is philosophically erraneous and we need to have new development paradigm that will include more sustainable business models, equitable distribution and better governance. Isn't it our extreme blind love for western systems, processes and approaches that we simply dont analyse them properly and feel like copying them? Is it that we dont want to THINK about solutions to our problems and simply copy-paste them from elsewhere?

4. It is said that it will give us more options and hence cheaper products. Well tell me, today I have almost 50 options to buy an underwear, but which one of them is cheaper than earlier times? It's a big fat farce.

5. Another strong argument is – It's the time of globallization. Another piece of crap. There's no such thing called globalization. Its just Americanization. And its scary. Not as much because one country is almost ruling the world, but more because one incompetent#, selfish$ and evil** country is almost ruling the world. They can simply not have any goodwill, and here I would like to leave out exceptional organizations who are doing some genuinely good work within and outside US.

6. Why all of a sudden a huge focus on FDI thing? Weren't we supposed to hear on Lokpal in winter session?

I am not sure if I am being overtly skeptical. I may be completely wrong. But my only point is, why do we need them to solve our problems. They will never ever solve a problem if it's making profit for them. Remember East India Company? They had come to do business here. What we got was colonization and oppression. And over 200 years of struggle. Now that's not cool with me. Is it with you? Let's listen to the silence behind FDI hulla. We may understand it a little better.

* I suggest, everyone should read Abhijit's article. It offers an interesting perspective.

# Their systems have failed, more often they should not.

$ Read through the internet and you will know how ruthlessly they have robbed the entire world.

** Of many instances read, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agent_Orange

a Revolutionary, a Rockstar, and a system in Ruins

Malcolm X | Sadda Haq | Quality (and reach) deficit in our Education System | Well these three words/phrases – a book, a song and an issue – sum my current state of mind.

The other day I was curled up in a sofa at my sister’s place with the autobiography of Malcolm X and was bugging Ishita, my niece, to tune in to a channel where I can listen to any Rockstar song. Just when I was about to give up on my curiosity for this song after almost fifteen minutes of irritating her, the tube flashed a poster titled “Negative” and here walked in Ranbir Kapoor as the music went on. The song was Saadda Haq. A desperate book in hand, an intense song in eyes and ears, and a forever lingering thought in my head – I had never been so present with myself to anything in recent times… my body, my eyes, my ears and my mind… all full blown open and functioning to their highest capacity!!!

Though all these things sound hysterically disconnected at first glance, they are actually, very deeply connected with, or at least echo, each other. In fact they deserve separate posts, however after discussing it with myself, I zeroed in on the idea of presenting them together, here.

For those who may not know who Malcolm X is, he was the greatest (presumably) human rights activist for African Americans in the era of 1950’s. Here I am not presenting my views in support or against of his ideology or action. I just wish to share three things in this book that deeply intrigued me –

1) Malcolm’s openness to new ideas and single-minded devotion for changing things around for himself and his people. The way this man catapulted from ‘being who he was’ to ‘who he became’ is sheer amazing. If whatever said in the book is true, I must say this man personified Belief.

2) His adaptability in times of greatest psychological crisis. I could only imagine, that too not to the fullest, what he must have gone through in his days of separations from the Nation of Islam and his break up with his God-like guru, Elijah Mohammad.

3) How an identity (a religious one here), in times of a great social crisis, can lift people from the mess they are in.

All the above points root from a single issue – people devoid of or snatched away with their basic human rights. Lost in this fascinating book, when I heard this song for the first time, only two words were exhaled from inside me, “Oh fuck!!!”

I am not too sure how and where the song is placed in the movie, but in my current context when I am into this book (and Ishita would know what I mean by it) it could have never been so well timed. Whatever Malcolm X, or for that matter any oppressed human being, would have had to say to reclaim his rights and honor, this song says it all… Sadda Haq… Aithe Rakh!

Fabulous lyrics (Irshad Kamil). Awesome composition (A R Rahman). Sexy vocals (Mohit C). And beautiful visuals (Ranbir K and Imtiyaz Ali). With such rockstars, the song was born to be a rockstar. Check out this opening part of the song – “Marzi se jeene ki bhi main… Kya tum sabko main arzi doon… Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpe… Mujhse bhi zyada haq hai”, which is loosely translated as “If I have to live as I would want, will I have to write an application to you for that? Which means you own me more than I myself do?”

Doesn’t it echo what Malcolm or Gandhi or Bhagat Singh fought for? Or what thousands of Naxalites, Kashmiris, Palestinians, Afghans, and so many others are still fighting for? Please note, I am NOT commenting or supporting on the methods they employ to voice their concerns. Rather I am commenting only on ‘their voices’. If a society sickens one of its sections economically, politically and educationally (all or some of it), it is bound to boomerang; in what form, only the sufferer can decide.

Malcolm in his book says, and I firmly believe, that the most dangerous person in the world is the one devoid of or not provided with their rights, more so educational rights. Education, of all, is one right that when compromised or not provided with, will actually pose issues for the society that debars it for its people than the people themselves, who are debarred with it.

If you are a little aware of what is happening in Education sector, you will hear Mr. Murthy saying IITians are loosing the content and blaming coaching centers for it. You will hear coaching centers blaming JEE for it and claiming that they merely are responding what JEE is asking for. Higher Education blaming Primary and Secondary Education for not providing with enough educated students and the later blaming the entire system for not equipped to groom children well. And by the way, this discussion is for only that small section of our society which can actually avail education through all these levels. There are millions of children (and adults) who have been devoid of their basic right of education (and discussing quality would be a joke here). The sooner we pull our education system out of ruins, the better. Coz’ the day they realize it and ask us “sadda educational haq… aithe rakh”, they will only decide in which way they do it. And God forbid, if they choose violence or separation, can we really complain then?