In my own company

This was one weekend, after so many months, which I had no plans for. I got up late in the morning, say, around eleven, brushed my teeth lazily, finished the other routine tasks and was ready with my breakfast in front of my computer to checkout mails and all.

Once done with that, the next task was to browse through the movie database to find out some decent movie to watch out. So I checked a few of them in fast forward motion. Bored with the repetitiveness of the lot available, went to bed and lied down.

Looking at the fan, I wondered what to do. Thought, may be its right time to catch up with some friends. So I started dialing a few numbers on my cell. One by one each of them declined, some very sweetly and some very bizarrely, and said they had plans already. So thought may be its right time to talk some long distant friends. I started calling them one by one.

“Hey how are you?”

“Hey Rohit, am good yaar. How are you?”

“I am good too, man. Long time no calls, where are you?”

“Nothnig much yaar. Hey Dude, I am in for a movie. Will call u later ok? Chal bye.”

And the call was ended from other side. Next call –

“Hey boy!!! Great to hear from you!! Where have you been??”

“Just here in Mumbai. What about you?”

“Hey, I am at airport to catch a flight for UK. Going onsite… Hey gotta go man. Will ping you online from there. Bye.”

And the call was ended again. And on a similar note almost all calls were ended. Frustrated more with my own loneliness that other people’s engagements, I threw the phone aside. And my eyes were fixed at the fan again.

I was angry. What the F***. No one even have time to talk to me, to be with me. Have I gone to be so unimportant?

In that very moment a thought crossed my mind. There’s one more person I have not been with, have not talked to for a long time. And perhaps that’s the most important person in my life. In all this running around, I have ignored him like anything. Why don’t I better be with him in this moment than anyone else?

And this person was me, myself.

How often do we be in our own company? How often do we sit back and enjoy ourselves? How often do we talk, discuss, debate and converse with ourselves on the matters that hold the utmost importance in our lives? Very rarely, I guess.

I smiled. Walked to the mirror and said, “Hello!” And the person in the mirror smiled back. And perhaps this was the smile I wanted in this empty moment. This was the smile that was pictured in my mind and was created by me on my lips.

I switched on the computer again, played my favorite songs in the media player. It was long that I heard the tunes of Dil hai chhota sa from Roja. And what a perfect moment it was for the song!!

Then I cooked for myself, my favorite food- Maggy with omelet. After lunch, I went down to the Crossword, checked some books and gifted one to myself. It feels nice to be gifted with something by someone and also its great pleasure to gift something to someone dear to you. Now this was one moment, when both the pleasures were mine!

Went back home, read through some articles and wrote a few things – comments, discussion points, disagreements and appreciations. After that, I went out again to shop for my Sunday school and a few things for my dinner. And just before the moment I started writing this, I finished my dinner of fruits and was watching Casablanca, a movie that was pending in my wish list for long.

I guess this was one of those rare weekends, which I thoroughly enjoyed in the way I wanted to. When pondered over, I realize, may be all these people were not ignoring me. This is just that they were genuinely busy with their own plans and so they had to cut my calls. That’s exactly what I do when I have my own plans, don’t I? Now, I don’t regret. I don’t complain. And I can definitely say that in such moments, no company can be better than one’s own company.